Sunday, February 17, 2013

Paragraph Transformation



Original paragraph:
       The first time the audience is introduced to a woman in Timothy’s life, they meet Amy Huguenard. Amy accompanied Timothy on his thirteenth and final summer in Alaska with the bears. Amy’s relationship with Timothy is displayed as confusing to the viewer. One cannot get a true grasp on what is really going on between the two of them. Amy is described as fearing bears in Timothy’s private journal and in over one hundred hours of Timothy’s footage she is only pictured two times, the latter time being extremely close to her and Timothy’s death (48:24). The mystery surrounding Amy gives the documentary an eerie feeling at many points. The viewer is forced to assume that Amy died doing what she loved with the man that she loved. 

Edited paragraph:
       The first time the documentary introduces a woman in Timothy’s life, they meet the shadowy and unknown, Amy Huguenard. For the first time in over twelve summers spent in Alaska with the bears, Timothy brings a companion along to accompany him in his filming; he brings Amy. The peculiar relationship between these two characters comes across as confusing to the intrigued viewer. The desire to understand and obtain a true grasp on what is really going on between the two of them drives the mystery further. Described as fearful of bears in Timothy’s private journal, Amy appears only two times in over one hundred hours of Timothy’s footage, the latter time being extremely close to their death (48:24). The enigma surrounding Amy gives the documentary an eerie feeling at numerous pivotal points. These unnerving sensations force the viewer to assume that Amy died in love with the man and his work.

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